Mmm. I'm freshly typing after waking from a meditation-induced nap. Still feeling warm and hazy from it.
Towards the end, I heard a voice singing:
“Show me love that takes me from this place. We are not from here.”
I wonder if this was my subconscious speaking to Source?
Speaking of Source..
I briefly explain Source/God/Goddess/Spirit/etc. in another post, but for safe measure I’ll go ahead and define this here.
As you may have already assumed from my/slashed/synonyms/for/Source, I view this higher power as the ultimate divine energy from which all life comes from. It’s the source of all life, death (which is just an illusion), light, darkness, knowledge, healing, unconditional love, and energy; hence, why I prefer to use the name Source. To you, this might be God the Father, Allah, Buddha, the Holy Spirit, Great Spirit, Mother Goddess, etc. Whatever it may be to you, there’s a reason why humanity over history has felt this strong desire to believe in a higher power:
1) It’s because it’s hard to deny the immense unconditional love we feel when we live close to Source- to me it’s like a warm vibrating blanket that pours through my whole body like honey. It helps me heal and learn, and often makes me want to just hug myself and smile (and maybe cry a lil)
And 2) it’s because every living thing comes from this direct Source. It lives within us and we are all direct reflections of it. I've often read or heard others say, “we are all just the Universe experiencing itself.” So, because we're all from the same Source, we are essentially one in the same- we are just Source in different forms. Moreover, I believe when our soul leaves this body, we return back to Source to be renewed for the next phase of existence. For this reason, another word I like to use for Source is “Home.”
Oof! This is a lot, I know.
Does none of this ascribe to you?
That is more than OK.
Growing up in Catholic school, I questioned the existence of a higher power often. For personal reasons, this version of God being a Father figure up in the Heavens watching over us, making sure we don’t sin or else he’ll smite us to eternal damnation never fully resonated. I often felt shame, guilt, and more fear than love- which kept me on a low vibrational density. That being said, I have worked with clients from a number of religious backgrounds, and I respect and admire each of their beliefs. Just because my version of Catholicism didn’t resonate with me, it doesn’t mean I view your Truth is an entire fallacy. I respect and honor whatever gets you there.
When I learned more about Source, my fears towards this life and the death that inevitably followed finally fell away. I felt more unconditional love for myself and the world around me; everything fell into place.
So if my version/definition of Source does not resonate with you, I encourage you to find your own. To me, believing in Source is believing in the limitless, undying soul that is you. So why not put all your faith and belief in yourself? No one else’s belief in you can bring you the limitless peace and satisfaction your own belief in yourself can bring.
Does that make sense?
I want to finish this post with an experience I underwent while in deep meditation on 6/20/21. It helped me understand how death is just another illusion- because we are all of the same Source. Leaving the physical world is simply a return to Home.
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.
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"I see the moon. I see the dark blue sky. I see a telephone wire. I feel the night.
I feel my small fuzzy body, my tingling whiskers, and claws scratching the Earth.
I see a snake head. It’s large with fangs and a tongue. Almost looks like it’s smiling at me. It picks me up and I travel down and down and down the snake’s belly. I see it’s dark red ridges.
(Return Home)
I see the moon. I feel the dark blue sky. I’m in the sky. I see the telephone wire and I rest on it. I’m a crow. I see a snake moving slowly. I use my feet to pick it up. I impale it with my sharp toes. I swallow the snake whole. I land on the road. A car hits me.
(Return Home)
I’m in the car. I see the moon. I see telephones wire connecting to the poles. It’s getting darker. I’m a young woman. I feel hopeless and sad. I can’t stop crying. I see a truck coming the opposite way. I see it’s lights. I make my decision. I drive on the wrong side of the road into the truck’s headlights. I let it hit me.
(Return Home)
I’m the man driving the truck. I have a large belly. I hit the girl. Or does she hit me? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.
I’m in a hotel room. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.
I want to end my life- it’s too much for me. Gun in my mouth. I’m about to pull the trigger and I think of my daughter.
Little, rosy cheeks, blue eyes, thin blonde hair. I don’t do it. I drive home.
I struggle to live my life. My wife leaves me. She takes my little girl. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. I cry and feel my large belly shaking.
It’s a few years later. I die of a heart attack. I know I died of a broken heart.
(Return Home)
I’m born a boy. I see my mother. It’s my little girl. I grow a little older. I have rosy cheeks, blue eyes, and thin blonde hair. My mom has another little boy.
We play and my parents are in love. Grandma is bad. Grandma is bad. I don’t like her. I don’t want to be alone with her.
I grow older. I have anger issues. I am very intelligent. I’m a doctor. I stay away from my family. I’m sad.
(Return Home)
(Blank)
What do you see.
I see a fish in a pond and I see a cat.
What is the cat doing.
Is it trying to drown the fish? It’s pushing it down.
Why isn’t it working.
Because the fish is in water. Water is its home.
As long as you live close to home- close to Source- no one can drown you. When entities try to push you down, it’s impossible because they’re only pushing you closer to Source. The “struggle” isn’t them trying to drown you. The struggle is finding Home."
*Note: I feel I need to make it clear that just because I view death as an illusion, it doesn’t mean I’m discrediting how excruciatingly painful death can be for the living. I am by no means saying death does not warrant grief. For some, we leave after we’ve lived a very long life (even though for the living, a "long" life can still feel like it's never enough), while some of us have to leave just minutes after our birth.
I’m aware it can feel like absolute unfair bullshit more often than not.
What I’m trying to say is that death for me no longer feels like a senseless, ultimate end; instead I view it as a necessary transitioning period/return to home. Viewing it this way brings me peace, and I can only hope it might do the same for someone else.
I appreciate how triggering this sort of talk can be for many, so if you have questions or comments, please feel free to open up a conversation with me. I love discussing these sort of ideas!
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